Why We’re Suing Whole Foods and Rain Crow Ranch

My husband, Andrew Kaye, wrote the following this afternoon, after reading that Rain Crow Ranch had been forced to suspend operations. I couldn’t have put my thoughts together better than this.

This is the ranch whose product infected our son, Joshua, with the E. coli that killed him after he ate it and also sickened multiple children.

This is the ranch who had a different recall a week before we bought the ground beef that made Joshua sick.

This is the ranch run by an owner who openly preaches that you can not get E. coli from grass-fed beef.

This is the ranch which Whole Foods lent money to in order to buy/convert the processing plant that was just shut down, the processing plant which has had a long “contentious relationship” with Federal Safety Inspection Services.

This is the ranch whose products Whole Foods relies upon to supply their Northeast region with grass-fed beef.

This is the ranch whose products Whole Foods has never removed from their stores.

This is the ranch whose products Whole Foods continues to tout as meeting the highest standards for quality and safety.

Sadly, this is is the ranch who will be back up and running again before you know it and sadly, Whole Foods will, in all likelihood, keep on selling their beef while touting their bogus feel-good family farm story.

Because it is about money. If it were about safety or quality or, to quote Whole Foods oft-repeated and incredibly insulting term, “an abundance of caution”, they’d cut ties.

So, for anyone that may question for a moment why my wife and I are suing Whole Foods and Rain Crow, it is to hit them in the only place that matters to them, the wallet. To make the cost of doing business the wrong way costlier than doing it the right way.

Until then, when they sicken or, God forbid, kill the next kid, may the lot of them face criminal charges.

♥️One of my photos of Andy with Joshua ♥️

♥️One of my favorite photos of Andy with Joshua ♥️

Review: Enjoy Life Muffin Mix

Enjoy Life sent us a beautiful package with lots of their mixes to try out. It was so exciting to open the box and see all of the yummy options, along with a fancy new oven mitt, pizza cutter, spatula and wooden spoon. Such great packaging and presentation. Enjoy Life knows what they’re doing!

Such great packaging and so many goodies!

Such great packaging and so many goodies!

We have lots of food allergies in our families. Jenn’s kids are allergic to mango, peanuts, tree nuts, pistachio, cashew, and sesame.

At my house, we’ve got Little A with gluten, oats, soy, dairy, peanuts, tree nuts, coconut, all legumes, cinnamon, sesame and sunflower seed. We keep things very simple and cook & bake with as few ingredients as possible. I’m allergic to clams, gluten, and dairy, and my husband, Andy, is lobster, egg, banana. The great news is that even Andy can have these mixes. ALL OF THEM!! It’s so hard to find safe mixes that don’t include egg, but Enjoy Life has solved that problem! Every box is free of the top 8 allergens. The only ingredients you need to add are: water and the oil of your choice! (I use Kirkland brand organic olive oil from Costco.)

This sweet new wooden spoon is perfect to use with my favorite mixing bowl!

This sweet new wooden spoon is perfect to use with my favorite mixing bowl!

It was rainy and chilly in Boston today, so I spent the afternoon baking! I started with some muffins. I’m sure they would have been good just plain, but I added blueberries and a crumb topping, because Andy likes berries!

Fresh Maine Wild Blueberries- YUM!

Fresh Maine Wild Blueberries- YUM!

The muffins came out great! The flavor and feel is as good as my from-scratch muffins. To make them even more perfect, I would add 1/2-1 teaspoon of vanilla extract next time. And chocolate chips. I love blueberries, but Enjoy Life chocolate chips are my weakness!!!!!

I ate two immediately after taking this photo!

I ate two immediately after taking this photo!

 

A couple of notes:

If you’re going to add blueberries, be sure to toss them in a little gluten-free flour first. This will help them hang out in the muffin without sinking to the bottom.

They’re yummy warm, with a little butter (or Earth Balance soy-free spread) but I think the taste and texture are best after they cool for a bit.

Mmmmmm... warm with butter!

Mmmmmm… warm with butter!

 

My recipe for crumb topping:

3 Tablespoons butter, or butter substitute, very cold and chopped into little pieces

1 1/2 Tablespoons brown sugar

2 Tablespoons sugar

1/2 Cup gluten-free flour

 

Mix with a fork or your fingers until it is blended and crumbly.

Sprinkle on top of muffins, bake, and enjoy!

*As mentioned above, the mixes were sent to us by Enjoy Life, so that Jenn & I could try them and write an honest review. As always, opinions on MommyBusiness.net are our own. You know we always tell truth! -M

I’m Okay with Being Fat- Until I’m Not.

My whole life, I was always thin.  Through childhood, I was thin.  In my 20’s, I was thin.  If I ever gained a few pounds, I went for a walk and lost them.  It was simple and easy.

When the sperm hit the egg in August of 2000, I gained a LOT weight.  50 pounds, at least.  I didn’t care. It had always been so easy to lose.  Then I breastfed.  I knew the weight was going to melt off because that’s what everyone said.  I was so surprised when I looked in the mirror day after day and my belly still stood out beyond my breasts.

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I was supposed to be a cute, thin, new mom.  Instead of cute and thin, one of my friends actually said “wow Jenn, you really let yourself go, huh?” I cried for a long time after that comment. I just couldn’t lose the weight.

I breastfed until I was pregnant again and continued this process for 6 years and had 4 kids. Never losing weight in between, just gaining.

Now here I am, 7 years after giving birth to my youngest son, and I am just as heavy now as I was when I gave birth to him.

Things are much different in my life post-babies.  I work out every single day.  I care about what I eat and take care of myself and my body, but still no weight loss.

Most of the time I am fine with being big.  I don’t think of myself as being really big.  I can still fit on regular airline seats and most carnival rides and it doesn’t restrict my daily life.  I can see how strong I have become from working out and feel so much better over all.

Then, the other night, I was looking through pictures for a project I am doing for my children’s school and I saw this picture.

Not in love with this picture

Not in love with this picture

I was so disgusted with myself.  Embarrassed for my children that they have to see me look this way everyday.  Self-loathing reared its ugly head.  Big time.  This was two nights ago and I can’t believe the difference in my self esteem.

At my taekwondo class, I almost broke down in tears because I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. When I allow my self-loathing self to come out and play, she is really mean.  She is the source of that little voice that tells you how bad you suck at everything; asking why you should bother trying.  I managed to shake off that voice to finish my class, but once it takes hold, it is really hard to get rid of.

I know in my heart that my friends and family love me for me and that I should too, but I went for 30 years of my life being thin and comfortable in my own skin. Now, I am just ashamed.  I don’t ever want to see people that I used to know.  I know they all look at me and think, like my “friend” 13 years ago, that I let myself go.

It is crazy what this kind of thinking does to me.  I can totally see myself spending all of my time hiding from people. Imagine?  Living life hiding from people based on appearance? I can hear how stupid this sounds, yet at this moment it is all consuming. When I feel bad about myself, everything goes wrong. I run late, yell at my kids, get injured while working out, I’m not very productive, and I cry a lot.

When I feel good about myself, I have fun with my kids, I’m productive, happy and love working out.  It is a total mindset. Truly.

I see my thin friends with their own sets of problems.  They can be just as miserable and self loathing as I can be, but for different reasons.  We all have an inner dialogue with ourselves and sometimes it is worse than others.

Funny thing about self-loathing: when I started to come away from my pity party, I then beat myself up about how I self-loathe. There are people who are sick, dying, homeless, SO much worse than my superficial problems! My goodness; I can’t even dislike myself properly…

I started this post a week ago and the self-loathing is gone. For now. I think stress can bring out the worst in people and when I stumbled upon that picture, I was under a lot of pressure.

I am pretty good at turning the negative feelings off.  I don’t have any full length mirrors in the house and I think that helps.  I also buy clothes that fit me.  Being comfortable does wonders for the soul. Walking around in skin tight clothes is uncomfortable and makes me self conscious, so I don’t.

I stay positive for my kids. I stay active to be a strong role model for them. I don’t discuss weight around them and I never insult my body in their presence. This helps me to have a positive attitude towards myself most of the time.

I hope in 6 months I can write a follow up post announcing tremendous weight loss. If that isn’t the case, I know that my self-loathing is hanging out, waiting to take the spotlight again. Maybe by shedding some light on this, I can ditch these dark feelings for good.

J

Without the Birthday Boy…

Ten years ago, at this moment, I was in labor. I was 4 hours and 35 minutes away from bringing my beautiful son into this world. I was rocking permanent dents into the carpet of my bedroom with every contraction.. trying to stay quiet in my new rocking chair so my family could rest, elated that my baby boy would soon be snuggling in my arms. No matter how many crazy worries went through my head, I never imagined I would be here tonight without my son.

Josh would be SO happy to be celebrating double digits. And we would be happy to do anything he wanted for his birthday. The January before he died, we started the tradition of decorating the dining room with birthday streamers and a banner and balloons and really going all out in the simple ways that make a kid feel special. I could tell he was a tiny bit jealous of his little sister that day, and I was so looking forward to spoiling him in that same way for his birthday 6 1/2 months later. We never got the chance. We spent the days leading up to his 9th birthday trying to wrap our heads around the fact that our son would not be there to celebrate. Our little boy was dead. Forever 8 years old.

We spent his last few days making promises to him- ways we would celebrate his birthday and spoil him when he woke up. Not “if.” We would help him build the treehouse of his dreams. We would even call Pete from Treehouse Masters if he wanted. I would let him skip the next year of school if he wanted, and just spend time doing everything he had ever wanted to do. We meant every word.

On August 3, 2015 at 5:35 AM, Joshua Quentin Kaye will be 10 years old, but he won’t be here to celebrate, to hug, to spoil. I will do my best to hug and love and spoil whoever I am with- all day. I hope you will do the same. #ThisIsForJosh

Josh at NEWC fence JKF Stamp

 

 

 

 

Dedicated to Joshua Kaye #ThisIsForJosh

I have four children.  It isn’t very often that I get to spend one on one time with any of them.  I had the opportunity today to spend the whole day with my youngest son who is 7.

I had to work a little bit in the AM.  I had no choice but to work, so I let him have some bonus tv time.

He kept asking me, “you almost done?” “Can we play now?”  I was engrossed in work and REALLY wanted to keep working until I was finished, but because I knew I was wasting precious one on one time with my baby, I did the bare minimum (per usual it seems).

When I was finished, I asked him what he would like to do and he chose playing out in the back yard.  So we played catch, tennis, soccer and he wanted me to watch him do some soccer ball tricks.

We then went to the mall to buy a few last minute gifts for his older brother who is turning 14 tomorrow.  When we finished doing what we had to do I, once again, turned the power to my little 7 year old.  I told him he was in charge and I would follow his lead.

He opted for ice cream first.  Well, it is actually frozen yogurt, but because of my families food allergies to peanuts and tree-nuts (to name a few), we are pretty limited with what is safe for us. We sat together and ate our ice cream.  I refrained from pulling out my phone. I sat, in silence, with him while we ate and he chatted about what he wanted to chat about.

Next we went to Build-A-Bear.  For the record- I NEVER say yes to building a bear.  We have too many stuffed animals in the house, it is too expensive (for me with four kids) and I just never say yes.  Because he was in charge today, I was willing to splurge.  He chose a $16.00 bear.  No noises, no smells, no clothes, not even a certificate.  His wants are so sweet and simple, he just wanted the softest, cuddliest bear they had.  My heart was so filled with love.  Again, I refrained from pulling out my phone while waiting.

Next he just wanted to walk around and hold my hand.

 

Holding-Childs-Hand

After we left the mall, we had to pick up his sister at a very crowded beach, met up with his 2 older brothers and had a fun filled evening with friends at Coco Keys water park.  It was busy and chaotic, just like our normal life.

I dedicate this day to my dear friends’ child, Joshua Kaye, who is no longer with us.   Losing him taught me that the time we have right now is all we have.

I put off a lot of things for later that I just don’t get to.  One thing that sticks in my mind was a giant princess puzzle that my daughter got for her birthday when she was 4.  She LOVED that puzzle.  It was life-sized and the pieces were big.  Water spilled on it and the pieces got all warped.  I took the pieces and put them flat under a large pile of heavy books.  I told her they would probably flatten out over time.  She asked me daily for those pieces, asking if they were ready yet.  Day after day after day.  I got frustrated she asked me so frequently.

Then, one day- a few years later-  I was cleaning up and (woah!) there were those puzzle pieces. Three years had past.  She no longer wanted them.  It was such a simple thing I could have done to make a 4 year old happy.  I could have just checked on the stupid pieces to see if they are ready yet for her, but no- I was too busy.  You only have now.

Yes, I was on my phone today. I texted, looked things up, and got some work done.  But, I was also very aware of the here and now.  I made my 7 year old really happy.  He feels so very special that he got to see what his big brother is getting for his birthday before everybody else and we got some amazing one-on-one time.

I dedicate this and most of my days since Josh’s passing on July 7th 2014 to him.  There isn’t a moment that goes by that I don’t think of him and his family and how they wake up every single day without him.  I think about how courageous Josh’s parents are.  They made a decision that they must continue to really live their lives without their precious 8 year old son, for their two daughters.

Everything about Joshua’s death sickens me.  He should be here.  But he isn’t. (Read his story here and here.) Instead of walking around angry and sad all of the time, I try to be understanding, kind, and loving for my own kids.  I have learned to be more patient and, most of all, present.

Life with 4 kids, plus a small business, being an author, radio show co-host and blogger is busy and sometimes a blur, but I am taking one moment at a time and trying to do it with a smile on my face and love in my heart.

#ThisIsForJosh

For more information about Joshua Kaye Foundation, visit the foundation’s Facebook page.

Marking A Year…

We lost Joshy just 27 days before his 9th birthday. Those were the some of the saddest days of the saddest year of our lives, but so much love was shown to us. Losing a child forces lessons on parents, siblings, and friends. We realize that life is short and tomorrow is not guaranteed. The little moments with our children matter more than anything. And telling someone you love them shouldn’t wait!

As we mark our first whole year without him, we’d like these next few weeks to be filled with love. Tomorrow, 7/7 through Josh’s birthday, 8/3, we’d love it if you’d join us in spreading joy and love by sharing how you stay present in the moment, share your love, or spread kindness, using the hashtag #ThisIsForJosh on social media.

Joshy Tying Little A's Shoe

Joshy Tying Little A’s Shoe ❤️

PMU Box, where have you been all my life?

This is not an advertisement.  I don’t get paid to write reviews. I will, however, gush over your company if I like it and will spread the word as much as I can!  I  am a customer of PMU box (pick-me-up). It is a monthly subscription service where they deliver all natural sweet treats to my door step once a month.  According to their website :”Pick-Me-Up is a convenient subscription service that delivers all-natural sweets right to your door. Discover new delicious goodies in a simple, effortless way!”

 

This box bring such happiness :-)

This box bring such happiness 🙂

Full disclosure: I do know the owner.  I know that she works her butt off.  She runs this company by herself and does a phenomenal job.

It all started back when the owner was a college student. She was extremely health conscious and found herself hitting the wall of exhaustion around 3pm everyday and needed a quick sugar pick-me-up (as she would call it).  She didn’t want the conventional candy bar from a machine.  She wanted something that was sweet, yet all natural and not so bad for her body.

She quickly became the expert among friends who always wanted to know what she was eating, so PMU Box began.

I have been getting PMU Box for about 6 months.  I love it.  I am a pain in the butt customer, too, because I am gluten-free and my family is nut-free.  I have definitely had to give up some of my goodies to friends, who then gloat about how much I am missing out.  I have also found some amazingly perfect new sweet treats to add to either my life or my businesses.  I own a small chain of coffee shops and having PMU Box delivered to my home is like having a personal shopper go out and find unique treats that I never would have discovered!  Win/win!

 

May 2015 pmubox.com YUM!

May 2015 pmubox.com YUM!

I realize I am not the average customer because I have a dual purpose. I have found some killer products that I now sell at Coffee Break Cafe and I can’t keep them on my shelves!  Liz Lovely is one brand.  She makes Vegan, GMO free, gluten free, cookies that are seriously better than most products out there, gluten or not.  LOVE them.  (Not in love with the 400 plus calorie per cookie, but OMG!! And my customers love them!)

I dream about these Liz Lovely cookies!

I dream about these Liz Lovely cookies!

 

Okay, so back to the PMU box.  It is $19.99 and the box is different every month.  Did I mention how much I look forward to my delivery every month?

Not sure which month this was but am sure it was heavenly....

Not sure which month this was but am sure it was heavenly….

Mommy Business loves hearing stories about women-owned businesses, mommy-owned businesses, businesses with passion, businesses born from seeing a need that needs to be filled. Pmubox.com is a relatively new business, woman-owned and run. She hand picks each product that goes in the box and it shows.

Feb 2015 :-)

Feb 2015 🙂

Pmubox.com also offers seasonal boxes and short term subscriptions so you can give it a try before you commit.  They are also a fabulous gift! Melissa and I have both gifted PMU subscriptions to family members and everyone has been thrilled.

As always, thanks for including Mommy Business in your life!

J

 

The Allergy Table

I don’t get it: A kid has an allergy. He/she has to sit at a separate table with other kids who have food allergies and eat allergy safe foods. The rest of the kids will sit wherever they darn well please and eat non allergy safe foods, (greasy, oily, hard to clean, poisonous foods like peanut butter.)

PBJ

PBJ

So, the kids with the poison (the sticky, slimy, oily poison) can drip, leak, and smudge it all over every other table, seat, and floor in the cafeteria.  While the kids with the safe foods are banished to an outcast table.

Has anybody ever watched a kid eat?  Kids can walk around with red kool-aid ‘staches for days and not notice.  They can have chunks of food on their faces, shirt, hands, hair…  all over their body, really.  These are the kids who get to sit wherever they want, eating potentially deadly poison and spreading it all over the cafeteria.

Messy pbj

Messy PBJ

Then they go back to class, touching pens, pencils, books, folders, and everything else in the classroom with their poisonous, oily, chunky, peanut butter hands for everyone to come in contact with, food allergy or not.

PB gets all over the classroom

PB gets all over the classroom

I will never forget the first day I sent my adorable 3 year-old, peanut/tree nut allergic daughter to pre-school.  It was 8:30-11:30, but since it was the first day in 3 years she had been away from me for a few hours, I decided to get to school early and take a peek at her on the playground.  I spotted her instantly. She was holding hands and skipping with the most adorable little 3 year-old boy.  My happiness turned to terror when I realized he could have had peanut butter toast for breakfast and a peanut butter cracker for snack and he was now holding my daughter’s hand!!!  Her hand!!  Her hand that goes in her mouth.  Her hand that she uses to feed herself.  Her hand that could rub her eye and get that poison in her body and cause her body to swell and her throat to close.

poison on hand

Poison on hand

I knew that day would be the last day for her to attend a school that allowed nuts.  It wasn’t worth the risk. The reality is that, even in a nut-free school, kids could still have peanut butter for breakfast and then walk into school with clumps of poison dangling from their bodies and touch my precious daughter, but getting rid of nuts during school is lowering the odds of her coming in contact with them, and that is what mattered.

I will also never forget the day my oldest son told me about the allergy table at his school. It took a few minutes to register what he was saying. There is a kid in his grade who has a nut allergy. This kid has a bunch of friends who don’t have allergies but sit with him at the allergy table for support. Sweet, right? It took another couple of minutes for me to process that he was saying these friends bring in peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school everyday and eat them at the allergy table!  Does this make sense? From an allergy parent’s perspective, this is terrifying. I have a sneaking suspicion it happens more frequently than we think.

pbj

PBJ

I have four kids, three with food allergies. I would love to just make the world nut-free, but obviously that isn’t going to happen so, I have another idea.

Why not create a new allergy table?  A table where kids can sit if they bring in the sticky, oily poison. A table where kids can sit down, eat their greasy peanut butter and then get up and wash their hands after. The table itself can be washed properly, the chairs and floor can also be scrubbed. It is so much less overwhelming and so much more manageable if all the nuts are kept to one area.

Soap and water go a long way!

Soap and water go a long way!         **shutter stock image

I know this article will anger a lot of people. How dare I call peanut butter poison?  I know it is the only thing that some kids will eat.  If they can’t have peanut butter for lunch the child won’t eat anything else!  Yes, peanut butter is considered “healthy.” But for me, in my world, it is poison.  It is a poison that could make my children unable to breathe and, therefore, I have no choice but to do everything in my power to keep it away.

I have never understood the allergy table.  Don’t you think it’s time to try something new?

 

 

 

How NOT to Do Customer Service

Oh. My. God. I just hung up the phone with Panasonic customer service and I am ready to pull out my hair.

I bought a Panasonic canister vacuum in January from Target.com- I even sprung for the extended warranty. Well, the vacuum stopped working- just stopped, won’t turn on. Things happen, no big deal, this is why warranties exist. So, I called Target. Super short call with a very nice person who advised me that the vacuum was still under the manufacturer’s warranty, so I would need to speak with Panasonic directly. She even transferred me. Super easy.

After a few minutes of automated prompts, followed by a few minutes of hold time, a nice Panasonic employee answered the call. I explained my situation and she said I would have to drop the vacuum off in South Windsor. Very nonchalantly, like that was the next town over from me. South Windsor is in CONNECTICUT. 1 hour and 50 minutes away. I told the agent that it was too far a drive. Oh, not to worry- they’ll “be happy to reimburse for 50% of the cost of shipping.” I’m sorry… WHAAAT?!?!

I calmly explained that since the vacuum broke less than 6 months after purchase and there was not a service location nearby, it was enough of an inconvenience to have a broken vacuum and to have to lug said vacuum to a UPS store, but to have to pay (prob $100?) was not something I was willing to do. When she said there was nothing more she could do, I asked her to to transfer me to a manager.

A manager got on the line after a few minutes and sounded like she was reading a script. She literally told me that when I purchased the vacuum, I automatically agreed to the terms of the warranty, which, according to her, state that 50% of shipping would be covered by the customer. (I’m not sure how I was supposed to agree to something I couldn’t see inside a sealed cardboard box, but, for kicks, I looked it up on their site. And- surprise!- there is no mention of the customer being responsible for 50% of the shipping costs.) Once again, I explained the situation and why I felt a customer should not be responsible for paying for shipping in this situation. I asked to speak to her manager. She insisted she did not have a manager, but told me I could write to consumer affairs. No telephone number or email- snail mail only. Seriously.

I know, from experience, that there are far worse things in this world, but I don’t have patience for things that waste my time. And, as a business owner, I can not wrap my head around the way Panasonic has failed to empower their customer service managers to resolve issues in a reasonable and responsible way.

This is exactly how NOT to do customer service.

-M

Can I Get a Do-Over For This Past Year?

I messed up as a parent this year. Big time. I need to re-do this year. Start over.

My daughter started 4th grade (the most difficult grade in her school) this past September. I believe that 4th grade is challenging in most schools, but she goes to a Montessori school and 4th grade is a huge transitional year. The students transition from a traditional Montessori environment to a more conventional setting with books, letter grades and tests.

To say it is stressful for most students is an understatement. I know this firsthand; my two oldest went through this school and the transition to 4th and 5th grade was awful and stressful. It was worth it at the end; the school is excellent and prepares them well for their next school.

My 9 year old has had a rotten school year. She went from top in her class in 3rd grade, not missing a single homework assignment to all bad grades and missing most homework assignments.

I tried everything. I sat with her and helped. I set a timer, had her do 15 minutes of homework and 10 minutes of a break. I tried to leave her alone to self-regulate. I got totally involved and kept track of her work. I got mad at her. I supported her. I bribed her. I punished her. None of it worked. None of it.

We have both had a rough year. We went from loving, fun, happy wonderful relationship to an angry, frustrated, negative one- all in the course of this school year.

By the end of this school year, I was at such a loss, I took her to the doctor. I thought maybe there was something physically wrong. Her behavior is so different, so off. She had strep twice this year, maybe she had hadn’t quite gotten rid of it and it developed into PANDAS?!

Everything came back negative and the doctor suggested my daughter see a counsellor.

I was so disappointed and upset that we had a serious sit down discussion and I demanded to know what was wrong with her. I was angry at my teeny, tiny, little, beautiful daughter for not doing well in school when she burst into tears.  She cried because she misses a friend of hers who died 11 months ago.  Her little 8-year-old classmate, Joshua Kaye died last summer and her adolescent brain doesn’t know how to make her heart any better.

She cries over him every day and didn’t tell me.  She dreams about him every night and didn’t tell me.  She is scared of losing other people she knows and loves, and didn’t tell me.  She is afraid of his ghost, and didn’t tell me.  She wants one more day with him.  She wants to hug him and play with him every day and every night.  He is all she thinks about and she just can’t focus at school.

 

girl crying

She didn’t tell me any of this. I was angry that she wasn’t doing well in school; I wouldn’t talk to me either if I were her.

How could I have missed this?  I dropped the ball so bad this time.  I feel like such an ass.  Worst mom ever.  Our group of parents at school met with a grief counsellor after we lost Joshy.  I knew what to look for.  WTF was I thinking?

I allowed an entire year to pass without digging deeper.  The death of an 8 year-old little boy who was a big part of her life is not something that a child can just get over.

We both have a hard time discussing the loss of Josh without crying.

I have a little girl who needs help, not an angry mom.

I can’t get a do-over, but I can make every moment with her count.

I started today.